Estranged

Jul. 10th, 2006 02:11 pm
darwins_despair: (Default)
[personal profile] darwins_despair
Just a little short story I've had in my head for awhile. It's called "Estranged"

We sat there for a long time in silence. I look at him, and he looked back at me. I kind of wondered why he wasn't saying anything, but that was his way. When he really had something important to say, he kind of hesitated.

I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"Listen," he said, "I'm sure you realize that we need to talk," he propped his forehead on top of his hands and twiddled his thumbs, letting out a deep, relenting sigh.

It was about that time the smile faded from my face. I knew what was coming, but I still don't think I was prepared for the blow that was to come.

Finally he raised his head and spoke, "I'm sure you've realized what's been going on here. We're not as communicative, and pretty much all we ever do is fight," I heard a silent sob coming from the next room, "this... just isn't working. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but..."

A single tear traced its way down my face. I didn't want to let him see me cry. I hated it when I cried around him. It made me feel like a weak person. I hated it, "Why?" I finally choked out, "Why are you doing this to me? To US! This just isn't fair!" That was when the crying really started. I just couldn't hold it back. It just hurt so much.

"You know I don't want it to be this way-"

"Then why are you doing it?!"

"Look it's... this is how it has to be. You know I don't want this. You know I love you, but... it was you or her. And I guess I just love her more."

I couldn't believe he said that. That was the most hurtful thing he ever said to me. He'd called me stupid, he yelled at me for no reason, and he's come this close to hitting me, but... to say he loved her more... "That's not true. You're lying!" I almost hit him then. It would've felt good. I still wish I had. I could still hear the sobbing coming from the other room.

"I can't... I'm sorry," He stood up and he walked over to me. I could tell he wanted to give me a hug, but I didn't want that, so I just pushed him back. He looked really hurt. I wish I'd given him that hug, but I really didn't even want to see that bastard at that point.

"You can't do this to me."

He hung his head, "Yes, I can... and I'm sorry, but I had to make a choice. And I chose her."

"You're a bastard. I hope you know that. You're the worst person I've ever met," It hurt me a lot to have to say that, but he needed to hear it. Maybe he didn't. Maybe he already knew it, but like he said, he had to make a choice. I'm sure it wasn't an easy choice. I'm sure it hurt him to have to do it as much as it hurt me. It hurt the both of us.

Right about that time my brother walked back into the room. His face was red. I guess he felt it would degrade him to let us see him cry. He always was the insecure one. Covered it up with bullying. I shrugged at him, and he shrugged at me, and walked out the door.

It was just me and him again. That... man. I never saw him cry that day, so maybe he wasn't as sad as he said he was. Then again, maybe he just never cried. I've never seen him cry any day before that, come to think of it.

I stood up, walked right past him and out the door.

That was the last time I ever spoke to my father.

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August 2006

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